Tick tack. Tick tack. Tick tack.

The room gets closer and closer even if I´m not moving myself. The surroundings doesn´t quite make sense. At every step you take you can hear the sound. Tick tack. Tick tack. If the day only had 25 hours. If only seconds could be minutes. So much to do and so little time. Why? Need to do that, and that, and that, and that, and th…….ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! I'm going crazy here. Need more time. I really, really do need more time.

That was for 20 years ago. Young, stupid and unaware of what life possibly could bring me. I didn´t know what I wanted even if I thought I did. I just knew that I wanted to do so much in only half the time. It’s ridiculous, I know that now. But as a youngster you don´t know much, you just think you do. It´s you against the world.

Today I´m older, wiser and more experienced. I don´t take anything for granted anymore. I don´t believe that life is easy because it isn´t. And I don´t belive that I have the need to do everything I want in as little time as possible. Instead I keep hold on myself, close my eyes and taking an extra breath. Something I never did before. Life is for me more valuable today then ever. The little things that once passed you by has now got my attention. And it´s so beautiful. It´s so magnificent.

Time is something invented by man. We don´t need it for real. The invention was meant from the beginning to be as a complement to our lives. A simplification of the way we live. To better understand and to chart the days of our life. To chart history. Sadly though, it´s been the other way around. Time makes people forget. Makes them forget to live.

Dalai Lama replied when asked what surprised him most;

- Man. She sacrifices health for her to make money. Then she sacrifices money to regain health. And she is so anxious about the future that she is not enjoying the present. The result is that she does not live in the present nor in the future. She lives as if she would never die. And then she dies without even ever having lived.

I´m getting older, that´s a fact. But it´s ok. With the wise words of Dalai Lama I know now that life is too short to rush throw. I got all the time in the world to live and I´m going to enjoy every minute of it.
Tick tack. Tick tack. No more.

Too often I daydream, and too often I wander off into a world that´s beyond our own. I scream inside and I feel the need to explode. Feel the need to tell a story. To tell my story.

I´m not special in any way. I have lived, and still do, a very normal life. But still I have been through a lot. I´m coming from a family with seven children and as the elder son as I am, it is always assumed that you should be the one that is responsable and caring. Me and three of my brothers and sisters don´t have any contact whatsoever. I don´t have any grudge to anyone of them but I have my opinions and my beliefs. I'm not that kind of a person who jerks around with people. My life will still go on, with them or without them.

Many of you don´t know this, but when my firstborn child was 5 weeks old he got hospitalised because of the pylorus. It did not open as it should, resulting in that he vomited the food he was given. He couldn´t retain anything at all. During 2 weeks we were at the hospital, troubled and afraid. Were afraid that we might could loose him. My child, our child, were at the time so fragile that even the slightest touch almost gave him bruises. It was the two of my worst weeks ever. I still think of it from time to time. How it would have been if he wasn´t so strong as he was, as he is. Today he is an intelligent, caring young boy that´s enjoying life as he should to. I remember when his little sister came to this world. He was so proud and he loved to hug her and to cuddle with her. She was so beautiful, and still is, and both of them makes me so happy. Today they fuss with each other, as any brother and sister in the world and she teases him into madness but that's the way it should be. More or less that is. She is a wonderful and a joyful little girl who loves making things up all the time, simply a little restless if you want to put it like that. They are my little angels and they mean everything for me. I wouldn´t be anything if it weren´t for them. Sure, sometimes they irritates their old father, I can´t argue with that. But what can I say about it really? It comes with the package. Children is meant to irritate their parents, it´s in their nature. They still are my pride and joy in life and I love them so.

One thing I don´t wish my kids is that they will go through school like outcasts like I did. Yes, back in the days I was bullied. Throughout my time in elementary school. Maybe I was not cool enough or just different from the rest, I really don´t know. Why is it so? Why are children so mean to each other? Just because someone is different it doesn´t mean that you have the right to pick on them. It doesn´t mean that you can do whatever you want with that person. It isn´t right in any way, only terrible wrong. I guess in my case it has formed me into the person I am today, but others may not be as fortunate. Too often you read about people who commits suicides because the other kids couldn´t handle that person's differences. We need to remind our selves that what we do in life echoes into eternity. The sad thing is that it is because of the growth of the social features on the internet such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. And one thing that´s even more sad is that when people get old, they develop a conscience. Suddenly they want to help people, help nature, and never before we have seen so much people involved in so much. And this is also because of the social features on the internet. How can those, who has been so cruel, just suddenly be caring to everyone and to everything? Those who probably was the reason of a certain person´s suicide, a certain person's stress, a certain person's mental health. Do they think that their sympathies and their care for life in an adult age ways up to how they were has children? Or is it just that they do not understand that they in their childhood did wrong? I do not know. But I hope that these people will teach their children how to treat each other and that all of you others will do the same. Be to others as you want them to be against you.

Even if I have my children there have been a time when I was more or less depressed, even if it lasted for a short while. I didn´t like my work at all and on the private level we had to struggle financially which took hard on my psyche. Often I came to my senses and realized that I was angry a lot without a reason and I can´t explain why. Sometimes I could cry when I went to sleep. I never spoken anything about it and how I felt inside. I just kept it to myself. And today I know that It was wrong to do so. It only resulted in problems for me to communicate in a proper manner. But I think I was like that unconsciously. Maybe because I, in some twisted way, thought that I protected my family by taking all of the concern myself instead of talking about it. Then it´s also because I didn't feel well. I know It's easy for you who have not been in such a similar situation to like and think a lot, but it´s not so easy as you think. If you as a person not feeling well, you will find out that it´s hard to see things in one way and because of that, it may ultimately be too late. I´m sorry if I caused my family unnecessary distress. It was never my intention. But I´m glad that the childrens mum and I are best friends today and I´m going to see to it that it stays that way for all time because she really means a lot to me. We had thirteen years together and I will remember every last one of them. Even those less good. After all, It´s memories and a lesson for life and those years made me a better man. They made me to the man I am today.

The last thing I want to mention concerns one thing that influenced my life. For about three years ago something happened. One of my best friends were involved and I could never really belive in it. He is like a little brother to me and I love him so, and for the respect of him and his close ones I won´t talk about the thing he did and why it happened. But I miss him. I miss the talks we had and I miss all the thing we did together. I know we will have the chance in the future to hang out again, to make up for all the lost time. It´s just that I wish sometimes he was here right now. As I see it, there´s always two sides of a story, but that's a chapter of it self to be told.

Why does some people get everything in life and some people get nothing? I self shouldn´t complain because I have been quite lucky but there is those who has been less fortunate.

Despite all the cruelty and injustice that exist in the world there is many people that seems to believe everything has a purpose. But I don´t. There´s no black or white, no right or wrong, no heaven nor hell. Things happen for no reason. It has to be that way. Or otherwise, if it was truly the other way around why the hell are we here in the first place?

You have children that dies in cancer and aids, people who gets deprived of the opportunity to have children, loved ones that gets memory disfunctionality, healthy persons that just suddenly falls down because of a heart attack . I can continue and It´s really sad that I can. But this is just a number of things we can´t control, that´s always are going to be there. That's why I don't believe that things has a purpose. For why, for example, would anyone want children to die or let people lose their memories? Nothing makes us more vulnerable when we gets affected, or someone close to us, and we feel helpless when It happens. Life takes different directions depending on who´s living it and the road for each and every one of us is not like the other but in the end we all meet the same fate. Unfortunatly, some of us meets their fate in a less good way.

Many cruelties that walks on this Earth are made by man´s doing, but it´s the things we can´t control that is incomprehensible. And it doesn´t matter how much we want to try to controlling it. We will lose anyway. I don´t say that we don´t try and I hope we will continue to do so, but Mother nature has something against us and even though we get so much knowledge that we can overcome the diseases, she always will find a new way. A new disease to destroy us. And yet we will keep on fighting, keep on struggling through life and hoping the world will change. Hoping that one day we can stop being afraid. That we all can have the same possibilities and joy to life.

My thoughts goes to the people and the children that gets deprived of their lives. Nothing I write will change the things all of you will get affected by or already have, and for what it´s worth, I´m truly sorry for that . I really am. I can´t explain why It´s you of all mankind who must bear this burden and in the end also have to face what´s coming. If I could say that all things happen for a reason I would do it, but I can´t. I won´t. And if we would say that we understand what you all go through, we would be lying, because we can´t possible know that. All we can do is treat you like anyone, to treat you with respect. Because that is what I think what you all really want. Not our sympathies, just our love.

I hope that all of you who read these lines will take a quiet moment and think of those that´s less fortunate than the rest of us. Let us all send our love to them and let them know that there still hope in this world even if it´s doesn´t change anything. But at least they will feel all your love in their hearts and that's what really matters.That´s what makes a change. That´s what makes us human. So, love to you all and please be good to each other for remember this, the people closest to you may not be there tomorrow.

Kingdoms come and goes and Empires will eventually fall. But what history has taught us is that besides all, it has always been a man behind the story, behind the battle that took them all.

Sometimes I belive that the battles continues to this day. Maybe not on the field but in our homes, schools, jobs, cities and between ourselves. Now you may be thinking of why I compare the old kingdoms and empires with todays society. But it is very similar actually. They had Julius Ceasar, Alexander the Great, The British Empire, Queen Elisabeth I, Napoleon and today we have politicians and presidents, governments and prime ministers. The only difference is how the battles gets settled.

We all are slaves to the more highly placed people. Or at least they think they are. I can sometimes feel all bruised up in the morning with not even a slight chance of getting my body work correctly and when I read the morning paper I see despair and death mixed with births and joy. That is the world we all live in but probably it´s nothing the people who think that they run this planet cares about. Those who decides what´s going to happen with our lives. Choosing between life and death and be the morality they think we are all missing. Just as the Romans thought that they where gods gift to man so has the self-proclaimed rulers of today the same belief even if they don´t say it out loud.

Perhaps we are not ready to be knowledge of some things, of what is happening on our beloved Earth. But one day we might. And on that day the Empires of today will fall. And with it, a new will rise again. Probably not for the better I´m afraid. We have all our history but we haven´t learned one thing from it. We only adjust it a little bit so it fits our way of life today but the end is always the same.

It will certainly exist a man behind our story as well and he or she will rise above them all, but in the end he or she will fall with them just as every other great man in history. This is the rise and fall of a great man.

 

If I look back two years from now I could never at that time think what tomorrow would bring. The life I had ran through my fingers as easily as sand. But it´s in the past now. It´s history. It´s just a memory but a memory that will follow me the rest of my life and for that I am glad. I am glad because that life was beautiful in it´s own way and it gave me two angels and a friend for life. And I love you all.

Now it´s today. I never could believe that someone like me would find someone like you. I don´t know what I have done to deserve that in my life because I´m not perfect and I have made my mistakes and I have made ​​the wrong decisions. But I´m only human. Hopefully I´ve learned by my mistakes in life and I will do everything and anything to please you and to make you happy. Because if you are happy then I am also happy.

When you smile the whole room lights up and I feel all warm inside, and I feel real happiness. Your laughter is genuine and so beautiful. You have done something to me, you made ​​me feel alive again. I love your spontanity, your way of looking at life. I love your small hands hold mine and I love when you just look at me as if time itself stands still. I love everything about you and I´ll never let you go.

I´m thinking of you all the time. When I´m asleep, when I´m awake, when I´m eating, drinking and so on. Everywhere I look I see your face, your beautiful smile and It´s just so breathtaking and so wonderful that I just can´t stop smiling myself.

We are very similar to eachother. I love that. It feels like I can talk about everything with you. It feels like I´ve known you for hundreds of years. I hope you want to grow old with me and that you want to stand by my side. I will always be there for you. I will catch you when you fall and I will hold you when the wind blows for you are my soul and heart. My one and only.

The words I write here is not sufficient. I can not describe my feelings in a fair manner. But I hope when people look at me and more important, when you look at me, that they and you will see and feel my love for you, my passion for you. You really are the cutest thing that has walked in a pair of shoes.

To end, I would just want say the following; You are my symphony to life and the melody of my heart and I love you so.

What if you had a dream and someone to share it with, would you go through with it then?

I have a dream. I know it´s a cliche to say it like that but it´s true. I really have a dream. A dream of a better way of life, a warmer way of life. So to speak. I dream of floating with the stream that runs in the river. I dream that the wind will take me wherever I want to go. I dream about the sun and moon and that they will take care of me under their wings. I dream that every smile that I meet really means something. I dream.

My life looks different now but my dreams are the same. They are still there and they will never change. Never go away. I once believed that I would be dreaming the rest of my life but now I been given the chance to realize my dreams. With someone that shares my vision. My passion.

I want so much in life and I know that I never will be satisfied with myself If I don´t do anything about it. Dreams can consume you but in the same time they can also bring you hope. Give you something to live for.

Dreaming is a part of us all, dreaming is something we all must do. Some of us realizes their dreams, other don´t. My goal is to be one of those who realize it, one of those who makes a difference. Which one are you?

Something amazing has happened. Something I never thought I would experience again.

I have seen the sun rise together with the morning breeze and the moon shine in the darkness of night. I´m feeling great and I feel that happiness grow on to me once again. And now I know how a smile can make my day.

The feeling I have is hard to explain but it´s wonderful and it´s so beautiful. I believe I´m not the only one that´s have experienced this and I hope more of you will do so. Perhaps you think I´m cryptic and secretive and maybe that´s what I am.

We don´t control our future but we all can enjoy it if we let it come to us. If only we can embrace the unknown maybe we all could be a little more lucky. A little more cheerful.

I don´t know what the future has in store for me but I know this, and that is that I will have a wonderful time in front of me. Smiles to you all and keep each other safe.

I have been away for a while and I´m sorry for that. The truth is that something horrible made me sacrifice my time from updating this blog. All you men out there know what I´m talking about. Yes. That´s right. The man cold.

I don´t understand all the fuss all the women have about all the things they say they have to go through. I don´t get it. Really. Have they ever had a real cold? NO. We men deserve some acknowledgment. I mean, we are on the edge of death and we can´t nearly do anything. It´s terrible. It´s the worst sickness of them all. Let´s face it. Man cold is not to be trifled with.

I do not expect that you women will understand this. How would you? We men just want you to realize that when we have the man cold we need you the most because we are so vulnerable and the last thing you women want on your conscience is your husbands death. It's really that serious.

So please all women out there, next time your men will have the cold take care of them and se to it that they will have the best as possible they can get. Peace to you all.

The minions. I just adore those little guys so much that I decided to write about them.

Even on a sad day they make me happy. In their own twisted little world they have so much love for each other and at the same time they are so kind and friendly to every one else. I want it that way too. Their joy and happines to life. I think they represent something humans are not but would do everything to be. And I can ensure you all that if it were possible, I would love to have Minions in my family.

MInions are small, yellow and adorable figures that you just can´t hate at all. Straight to your heart is where they will go as soon as you see them. Think if our world could be as the Minions. If we could look at the world as the MInions does.
If only we could be as thoughtful or at least a little bit of so much as they are against each other, then the world would be a better place to live.

Then we have their humor. Even the smallest thing make them laugh. They enjoying everything and the warmth in their laughter just makes them more human than we are.

"Docendo discimus" - By teaching others we teach ourselves. A latin proverb that I, in this case, would like to be the other way around as; By becoming learned through others we teach ourselves. What I mean is that If we would be teached by the Minions, we would teach ourselves to be better persons because they have much more to teach us than we could ever teach them.

All respect to the Minions and all the love to them. I hope you will live for eternity and you always will have a special place in my heart. Love to you all Minons. Love to you all.